Wednesday, May 31, 2017

14 months after moving to Sweden: Reflections (pictures at the end) :)

It has been officially 15 months since I received my decision, and a little more than 14 months since I moved to Sweden.  I have been meaning to do an updated post (I in fact have 6 unpublished entries that I began but couldn't finish!), and I feel like I owe it to myself to start recording some observations of mine since moving here that would be nice to remember, and perhaps might be useful to those still waiting.

As many can probably tell, much of the information I provide on my blog here has gone stale.  Rules have gotten more strict, waiting time calculators have been implemented on MV's website, the waiting times have gotten slightly longer, and I have mostly lost touch with the whole process.  After all that hard work, all the learning and data mining and translating of legal texts.... there comes a point in time where you have to move on in life, and I let go.  It was an extremely difficult decision, but I essentially consigned over the spreadsheet to the next generation of applicants (in particular, a couple whom I very much trust to keep the legacy of that tool alive and well!)

But all of this comes with very good news - and that is, there is an incredible wealth of life on the other side of the migration wait.  I am a very sentimental person and I actually rarely reflect on my wait anymore.  I probably won't really think of it next until the end of this year when I start to prepare to file for my extension, and await January 16th which will be the 3-year anniversary from when Johan and I applied for my original permit.

But there are some random bits that I want to record for anyone who followed my journey and gained any sort of glimpse into the process of enduring the wait.  Some insight, if you will, now that I am well on my way to building a long-term life here in Sweden.  So, here are those random thoughts, tips, and observations.

1.  Despite the absolute hell of the wait, and as much as we would have absolutely never chosen to go through it had we had the choice, we are eternally grateful for those 13.5 months of waiting.

It's the one thing Johan and I talk about rather routinely - how much we owe the wait for what we have today.  

Let me explain.  Having those 13.5 months was an extremely long period of time to "try to stay busy". Since I had nothing better to do, I started to get all my affairs in order.  Everything from updating the beneficiaries on my 401(k)s to rearranging my personal finances and getting top price for various things I owned and didn't want to bring with me to Sweden. Not to mention I moved home 6 months into my wait and between saving $2000/month on rent and still working my normal job for 13.5 months longer than I would have wanted, I saved up enough money to be able to comfortably afford being a stay at home mom to my daughter for a couple years. Those extra finances also helped us to afford to remodel our house and build a special nursery for our baby.  Had I moved right away, we would have never been able to afford any of these things.

It also gave us the first and greatest test of our relationship, and proved the strength of our bond and our resolve to be with one another despite all odds.  That confidence has come in especially handy during the dark times when I had just given birth and was going through all the physical and emotional changes that comes with being a postpartum sleep-deprived mother experiencing her first winter of cold and darkness away from the California sun and all the people I knew and loved (aside from Johan, of course!) I imagine that had I moved right away to Sweden, I would have panicked in those dark moments wondering if I was completely over my head with all the life changes occurring at once.  But knowing our relationship had already endured such a great test and came out unscathed was a brilliant shining light of hope for me and really got me through the tough weeks with a newborn.

2.  For those still waiting: until you are fluent at a university level, you have not studied Swedish at home enough during your wait.

Duolingo is not going to cut it, you guys.  That is a shit app, and while it might be colorful and fun and helps to get the ball rolling, it should not be your goal.  I know everyone praises that app because it's free and catchy, but it doesn't teach you ANYTHING.  Ask me how many times I've needed to use the word "sköldpadda".  I'll give you a hint to the answer: it's less than 1 time.

Your goal should be fluency, and it should be what you spend every waking moment on during your long wait in your home country.  You shouldn't even have time to miss your loved on or be depressed because you are THAT engrossed in your language studies.  "But they have SFI" you say to yourself.  Yes, SFI.  But did you also know SFI is taught exclusively in Swedish? Students from all different lingual backgrounds attend the same classes together.  Arabic speakers, English speakers, Spanish speakers, Russians....  all in the same class, learning Swedish.  So Swedish is the language the classes are taught in, and you don't want to have to waste 6 months of your life trying to catch up with the basics just so you can understand what your teacher is saying.

But aside from that is the general every day life conveniences of being able to speak Swedish.  "But they all speak English anyway!" people say.  NOT TRUE.  Not everyone speaks English - and for those who do, not everyone is fluent and they are just as uncomfortable piecing together English sentences as you are doing it with Swedish.  If you want friends, if you want a less stressful and scary path to employment (many "easy jobs" conduct group interviews where you have to speak in small groups), if you want to sweat fewer bullets giving oral book reports to your whole SVA class, or want to ease the social anxiety of going somewhere alone and not having to rely on themercy of other peoples' English language skills, if you want to have the ability to navigate society to ask for things at the grocery store or ask for help somewhere or pay for gas or receive directions or read street signs or find your way to the right part of the hospital or to be able to speak to your midwives / labor & delivery nurses / intensive care doctors if/when something goes wrong with your child, DO NOT STOP STUDYING SWEDISH AT HOME RIGHT NOW.  Read books - start with young adult and move to full-on novels, even if you don't know what they are saying.  Read aloud to your partner on the phone, and making flash cards of all the new words you learn. Have your partner mail some to books to you if you can't get any at home. Watch SFI videos on YouTube (just search for "SFI", there are hundreds on there!).  Watch SVT shows from your computer with textning på so you can follow along.

One of my greatest regrets was not realizing during my wait what an impact learning Swedish at home IN ERNEST would have made to my first year of transitioning here.  I really wish I had internalized how much easier life would be by coming with more knowledge than I already had.  And let me just tell you, when I finally got into SFI, I was placed in D-nivå (the last step to the SFI program) and was referred to take the national test after only 2.5 weeks of distance study.  Which I passed with an A, and immediately began SVA (Svenska som andraspråk) 2 months later.  Even still, I am shit at Swedish.  I don't have anywhere near the fluency I wish I had come with.  Aim for solid conversational Swedish that you could carry on with someone you meet on the street, at a minimum.  But preferably, don't stop studying until you think you could sit in on a high school class.  That is the best level to aim for!

3.  Do you want to get ahead? Have your sambo mail you the driver's license theory books.

Unless you don't plan on driving (although it would still come in monstrously handy to have a driver's license anyway!), have your partner send you the theory books so you can self study ahead of time.  Sure, your foreign driver's license is good for a year after you receive your permit card, but why put that added studying pressure on your plate for when you move and are trying to settle into your life, take Swedish classes, possibly seek university studies, seek and acquire employment, or just want to generally enjoy life and not spend it cramming for driving tests?

This was another really stupid mistake on my part.  I didn't study for my test at all.  I don't know why... I just kept pushing it off.  And then I said that since I only lived 3km from the train station, that I could live without a license and just use the train... or to use the train until I had time to study formy license. But you know what? Taking the train to the grocery store during freak rain storms BLOWSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  And the trains rarely run on time, so I can't just take the train to my doctor's appointments or my daughter's doctor's appointments or to rural hikes or nature preserves or other cool things that aren't train-accessible.  It would also be great to have the freedom to drive to a friend's house and not impose on them to pick me up at the train station! You may say to yourself, "I live really local and I'm sure I can get by on an expired license until I manage to study for mine." Well, if you're ok with the risk of getting pulled over for a minor traffic infraction, are you also ok with the risk that may come if someone were to hit you? For black ice to cause you to veer off the road? In my 3rd month of living here, a full-grown adult male moose ran out into the street directly in front of me while on my way to SFI.  You can say you'll follow all the driving rules to not get pulled over, but you cannot plan for hit-and-run moose encounters.  And if you get caught driving on an expired license, you're screwed.

So, ya.  If you plan on driving, do your theory studying now.  For the love of god, do it NOW! This migration wait isn't a waste of time; it is the perfect opportunity to save time and get ahead!

4.  Healthcare is covered; dental care is not.  

You can download a menu of prices for all the various dental services that Folktandvård does in the kommun you will be moving to.  Take a look at it and see if it's cheaper than getting dental services done at home.  If you know you need a crown fixed, or have postponed getting that wisdom tooth pulled, or having had a proper teeth cleaning in a while, get that shit sorted before you move.  Dental care is not cheap in Socialist Sweden.

5.  Join expat groups online now.  

The facebook ones are good.  Read - absorb - contribute.  It may seem like a random expat group but when you move, it will be nice to have made some connections.  Those connections usually lead to local meet-up groups which provide you with an opportunity to meet people, if you are into that sort of thing.

6.  Even if you live in a visa-free country, do your biometrics in your home country before you get your decision.  It will save you money.

Yes, you heard me right!  Because it takes time to move to Sweden, make an appointment at MV, do your biometrics there, wait for your card to come, yada yada.  If you do all of that before you get your decision, your card will come that much sooner, which means you can folbokförd yourself in Sweden and apply for your PN sooner, which means less of a wait for your ID Card while you are in the country.  And since most people (especially Americans!) can't open a bank account without their actual, physical ID card, then you're talking about having to pay foreign transaction fees on non-Swedish credit/debit cards, etc.  Plus it's just a bitch to have to do all of those extra steps after relocating your whole life to the other side of the world.  Take care of the card and biometrics at home if you can, so that all you need to do is show up at skatteverket to get your PN going.  With your PN, you can get in the queue for SFI and get that process going much quicker too (among so many other things!)

7.  Accept the fact that the MV wait is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bureaucratic waits.

I'm not saying this to be pessimistic - I have been very pleased with the level of service and such that I have received here.  Very pleased indeed! But it is worth mentioning that it never ends.  The MV queue is step 1 in an endless array of queues.  Sometimes I feel like it could take years to finally become an established member of society here with all the bells and whistles that seemed to come so easily when I was living in the states.

8.  At least for Americans - who plan to have kids - Order some official college and high school transcripts and hand carry them with you to Sweden.

It will save you the hassle of having to acquire these documents from abroad in order to prove your habitual residency requirements to pass citizenship on to your children.  You can read more about the various scenarios and what is required, here.

9.  Assuming you have a basic case, use your partner's visits to you, or you to them in Sweden, to ferry your personal belongings to Sweden.

If you spend some of the migration wait slowly going through your belongs and isolating things you want to keep but can handle being separated from for upwards to a year, then max out your (or your partner's) baggage allowance on each flight and slowly move your life abroad so that when the day comes, you only have to worry about the basics and can also avoid huge shipping fees (and big, gross, sentimental house-clearing moving parties).

10.  Similar to #9, begin stock piling your favorite things in Sweden

At least coming from America where the likes of DayQuil, NyQuil, Benadryl, and other favorite medicines are featured products around all the stores, Sweden takes a stiff "tough it out" approach to colds.  Legally, you cannot ship medicines to Sweden (ie, you can't have your mom mail you a supply every once and a while), but you are free to hand-carry several months' worth of a supply with you in your checked luggage or carry-ons, for "personal use". Since most medicines like this are still effective after their expiration date, you may wish to start creating a stock pile of your favorites by bring a few boxes over each time you visit.  Lord knows, with the climate change and foreign bugs you will be exposed to on a new continent, you will be thankful you have it! (And so will your Swede, if they are not privvy to the joys of NyQuil) :D

But medicines aren't the only thing.  I stock piled all my favorite Spicely spices from Whole Foods as well as other favorite vitamins, supplements and protein bars.  Sweden has a horrific protein bar scene, you can't really get anything here.  I preferred a green superfood protein bar from Whole Foods, so I bought several boxes of them and ferried them over in carry-on luggage during trips.  Also, if you like Pumpkin Spice flavored things, you might consider stock-piling those things as well, because Sweden doesn't even understand Pumpkin Spice :(

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So, I suppose those are the top things that come to mind, but I also want to do one more plug that is absolutely random: For those of you who currently live in countries where it is common to have screens on the windows and doors so that you can have them open for fresh air without the fear of hornets or a swarm of flies overcoming your house, and you move to Sweden and realize this is not a standard thing that comes with houses and apartments, FEAR NOT! We just bought a crap ton of these removable window screens from Bauhaus and it has changed my life - especially living on the countryside.  And they were cheap as all hell, only 79kr-109kr for a whole box depending on the size you buy!

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As for a life update: 


I continue to be humbled and grateful for the comments, messages, emails and thank yous I have received over the years, both here and on Gmail and on Facebook, from people who have found my blog helpful.  It was never intended to be a resource to help others; I originally just wanted an exapt blog to log my journey and store memories.  But it spiraled in another direction, and it has been a wonder to be able to connect with people around the world and offer some sort of assistance during such a dark and scary time.

As a new mom now, I simply don't have time to maintain this site, and it makes me sad.  The whole reason I went on a crusade to provide the information I did was because all the blogs available during my wait were just like how my blog has become: stale, outdated, and not abreast on all the latest news and updates.  But, alas, so is life. I have elected to keep the info I have on here as it is, as a keepsake to my own experience.

As for us, though, life has commenced.  That thing I could only dream about during the wait is now my daily reality - both the highs and the lows. Johan and I recently bought the house we lived in after spending 12 months hand-renovating it.  I was literally helping to demolish our bathroom from the foundation to the ceiling while I was in my third trimester of pregnancy last summer ;D  The house is far from done; we need to completely re-pannel the exterior and paint it, tear down our garage and rebuild it from the floor up, completely rebuild the fence around our property (and this time use weather-proof wood pannels as opposed to the sheep-wire we currently use).  We need to build our new greenhouse still, replace all the windows and doors on the exterior, re-do our entire communal living room and put finishing touches on the kitchen, both bedroom and the bathroom.  We need to re-do our entire laundry room (which is the size of a third bedroom, and sometimes we wonder if we should tear down the wall it shares with our baby's nursery and re-size both rooms to create two new bedrooms for a 3-bedroom house layout, but who knows.) And we need to completely re-do the second bathroom.  Suffice it to say, there is a lot of work that needs to be done!

We both know, however, that we will need to buy a new house soon.  Like within the next 5 years.  We want to go more rural than we already are, and we will need more space as we are planning to start trying for a second baby come this September when our daughter has turned 1.  We have our two beautiful dogs now, and we had two cats - however one just had a litter of kittens! And we will be keeping one of them.  We also purchased 2 baby goats and when they come of age, I plan to start milking them to produce our own goat milk and yogurt.  Our end dream is to homestead and be self-sufficient, with even all of our electricity needs being met by solar panels and generators.

We have recently become an entirely vegetarian family and Johan and I are doing a 3-month "detox" right now ahead of a trip back to the states and before we start trying for our second baby.  I have enough savings to be able to stay out of work until next spring, and then if we are successful in becoming pregnant again, I will be liquidating one of my 401(k)s so I can buy a couple more years of staying home with the kids.  Johan is running his own business while also working a full-time day job while I stay home with the baby and study Swedish (I'm currently taking SVA Grund from a distance), and eventually our hope is that once my Swedish becomes solid enough, I can take over the marketing / advertising / bookkeeping for his company.  But in addition to all of this, I would love to go back to school to become a midwife (barnmorska).  I will need to be able to get to university-level fluency so it will take a couple years, but that dream still burns brightly in my mind.  One is never too old to follow a dream :) I think that I am going to start a series called "Pregnancy in Sweden" and take my blog in that direction for the next year.  I'm planning on starting with my birth story, and then following through with pre-conception planning and then hopefully weekly updates when we conceive again, to offer insight and my own experience with pregnancy, delivery, and child-rearing in Sweden.

So, this year is a year of tackling goals.  We are taking a break from house renovations so that Johan can focus on his business, and I can focus on child-rearing, Swedish-learning, blogging, and driver's license acquisition.  We look forward to our trip back to the states (my first time home in nearly 2 years!), and I am am looking forward with great anticipation (and some trepidation!) to growing our family.  It has been my life's most exciting and most difficult time.  One day I know I'll look back and shake my head as I ask myself what I was thinking getting pregnant with my first child, moving to a foreign country, quitting my job for the first time in my life, and renovating a whole house... ALL in the span of 9 months' time. Ha!

Johan and I will be having a civil marriage ceremony here in Sweden, and an unofficial beach event in California during the sunset so that my family and friends can attend, and so that I can wear my dresses (as they are both still in CA). Tomorrow will be June 1, and I find it so hard to believe all of this will be going down in just a matter of 3 months!

^^^^ This, my friends, is why the migration wait is worth it.  This is real life happening; there is no wait, or uncertainty, or stress or anxiety.  This is the end goal.  It is just daily life, in all it's exciting and monotonous glory.  This is why it's worth it to keep fighting every day, to "do your time", and to get to that decision.  Because once it comes, you have a whole new world and a whole new life to dive into, and sooner than you know it, you won't even be thinking or remembering what you went through during the wait.  It may seem like the most colossal storm you've ever sailed through now, but one day you won't even remember what the taste of salt water on your lips was like.  You won't even remember the days you cried.  It will blend and settle to the bottom with all the other memories of your past as you forge onward to brighter days.

KimmieCat, our beloved cat who just had 5 kittens on Swedish Mother's Day last sunday!


Family portrait <3
Our baby in the random field of flowers next to our house.


4 comments:

  1. What a beautiful and inspiring blog post, Megan! Thank you for sharing your journey with us, you have certainly helped me during my wait. I moved to Stockholm 6 months ago and used your blog posts as a checklist when I was getting my personal number and ID issued! I wish you all the best, don't forget to keep us updated every once in a while!

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  2. Hej! I absolutely adore your blog and have one question. My swedish sambo and I are planning to have a civil marriage as well. I am American too. Were you required to give a single status document? And if so how did you go about getting one?

    Tack för all!

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  3. Your blog has been very helpful ☺️

    Did migrationsverket do any 'follow-ups' agyer you got the tut to see if you lived in the same apartment and/or ur spouse had the same job? Or are u free to do pretty muvh anything after?

    Reason i ask is that i am paying high rent at the moment and am thinking of dropping the apartment to search for a new one as soon as my sambi gets his tut, but that might mean we are left withiut an apartment for a couple of months, and/or an apartment that will not have long term rental contract.

    Donjeta

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